A Jimbo Slice Movie Review : The Rocker

I’ve been lacking originality lately so I decided to install a little weekly movie review segment. Enjoy.

So what do you do when you’re unemployed, broke & perpetually bored? Besides putting my clothes on backwards and pretending to be a member of Kriss Kross, I decided to watch some free bootleg movies at watch-movies.net. I felt like watching a comedy. Comedies are great because they are kind of like one night stands with middle-aged fat ladies. When they’re good, they’re hilarious. When they’re bad, they’re sometimes even funnier! Remember, comedies can’t give you herpes. Unfortunately they also can’t cook a mean omlette and drive you home in their Ford Windstar either.

Although it bombed in theatres, I thought there could be potential in The Rocker. I’ve enjoyed almost everything I’ve seen of Rainn Wilson (Office, Juno, Almost Famous, Entourage). It also has some pretty damn good depth in the supporting cast (Christina Applegate, Will Arnett, Emma Stone, Jeff Garlin, Jane Lynch). The only problem was that alot of these talented actors weren’t used effectively. Most of the punchlines were delivered by Wilson or Sudiekis. WIlson kind of struggled. Sudiekis knocked them out of the park.

The plot is interesting but predictable. I’m not going to explain the whole thing because that would be BORING, and luckily the good folks at Wikipedia can type better than I http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rocker_(film)

Few Quick Notes on the Film:

Getting Christina Applegate for that role is like buying a Ferrari to pick up a blind chick. Her character was interesting, just didn’t have many opportunities to be funny. Same for Garlin, Arnett, and Lynch. Although somehow Jane Lynch can be funny in anything she does. Shes amazing.

I hate it when movies start out with an extremely unrealistic gag. When Fish finds out he was kicked out of Vesuvius he chases and catches his band members car by foot. I know, suspension of disbelief, but there comes a point where it just becomes insulting to the audience. HE RAN AT 60 MILES AN HOUR TO CATCH HIS BAND!!! Seriously.

Jason Sudekis- Killed it. He had some damn good one liners.

There is alot of spontaneous making-out in this movie. Applegate makes out with Wilson because Wilson’s going crazy. Emma Stone makes out with the fat guy from 21 because he was nervous and never made out with a girl. THAT DOESN’T HAPPEN!!!! I should start telling girls that I’ve never had a handjob before.

Emma Stone is quietly becomming to fat guys what Julia Styles was to black guys. First, she decides to date Seth in Superbad , now she makes out with this kid. If she does a movie where she fucks Louie Anderson, I might actually have a new favorite actress.

By the way, let me just say FUCK suspension of disbelief. We know for god damn sure Emma Stone in real life would not kiss that fat kid. Nor would she do anything with Jonah Hill. So why are we to believe she would on screen? Let me tell you a little something from experience, fat guys usually aren’t rolling in the ladies. We roll in vegetable oil, and cry when we masterbate. We’re just lonely, platonic people.


Overall, I found it to be a movie that was a little lazy, but better than I expected. It did have some witty one-liners and a couple decent physical gags, and a great cast. But it did rip off School of Rock blatantly. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, they had this great cast and didn’t give them anything to work with. I’m glad I didn’t pay 10 dollars to see it, but there are far more worse movies out there to watch.

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