Patriotism is Dead

It’s the 4th of July. I don’t really think anyone cares. If they do, it’s because the 4th is an excuse to get drunk, and binge eat. Sometimes I hate our society. My hypocritical self included. For generations, this country respected itself, and it actually gave a shit about things like freedom. Nowadays, the only time we care about our country is when thousands of people die. It took a catastrophe like 9/11, for example, for people to be patriotic. Even then, we could only tolerate that “proud to be an american” song for about a month.  Then patriotism trended out, like a tamagotchi, myspace, or autotune.

So why do we not give a shit about our country? I don’t give a shit for a couple of reasons. first, it’s lame. Everyone who loves their country too much is creepy. Everyone can agree with me, we’ve all seen the guy who loves his country too much. The american flag t-shirt, the “love it or leave it”, or “these colors don’t run” bumper stickers. It’s taboo to love you country too much. Kind of like incest.  Also, our theme song sucks. The Star-Spangled Banner? That shits like 200 years old. Come on, nobody wants to stand-up during baseball games for that shit. The lady who sings it always has to turn it into an opera piece so she can show off her vocal skills, and it turns your ear drums into a Mike Tyson Fight Victim. We need a cool song. I nominate “Baby”, by Justin Bieber.

Finally, the final reason I am ignorant to patriotism, is because it’s my American choice to be ignorant. Our fore-fathers worked hard to be competent, and set up things like the Declaration of Independence, so a fat slob like myself can be completely ignorant to what exactly is in it. Who cares? Just pound 15 beers, eat 15 hot dogs, and blast some Justin Bieber, because thats what Americas all about! God Bless the U.S.A.!!!!!!

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