Hey, all. I’m Mick. I’m one of the new guys in Death By Improv. If I was to fit into one of the boy band archetypes, I’m guessing I’d be the uncoordinated, goofy one with the lisp (Truman Capote was in a boy band, right?). Anyway, since I’m new to the troupe, I think I should introduce myself. I’m 26, male, and Caucasian. I enjoy listening to music and reminiscing about periods of my life that were not nearly as good as I built them up to be mentally. In addition, I’m part of the movie riffing team Very Incredible Movie Theater 4, which you can also check out at vimt4.com.
As previously mentioned, I have a bit of a lisp. I didn’t realize I had it until a couple of years ago. Or maybe I realized it deep down but chose not to acknowledge it. But once I started riffing, we decided to put our videos up on YouTube. Watching them to make sure they sounded okay was not a pleasant experience. To start with, I’m not particularly fond of my speaking voice to begin with. I tend to talk way too fast, and have a distressingly nasal delivery. Reviewing the videos we’d made was an eye…er, ear opener. I was confronted with a voice that shocked and appalled me. I sounded like a more irritating Rudy Giuliani.
After a few days of shock, and at least sixteen hours spent sobbing under a blanket, I came to terms with my lisp. So what if I die a little inside whenever I have to use the letter S? I only have to do that several thousand times a day. What’s the difference if the words “sassafras”, “succotash”, “solipsistic”, and “butterscotch” make my skin crawl every time they leave my mouth? After all, it’s not hurting me, or anyone else. I’m sure people live happy and productive lives with this disorder! Why, I bet some of them don’t even contemplate suicide when they say “this disorder”!
I decided I must be overreacting. Surely I can get over my pathetic shallowness. So I decided to look up a list of notable lispers:
Humphrey Bogart: Alcoholic
Anthony Kiedis: Heroin and cocaine addict
Shannon Sharpe: Multiple restraining orders taken out by multiple women
Mike Tyson: Multiple time convicted felon
Michael Phelps: Pothead, looks like a horse
Morrissey: Colossal asshole
Winston Churchill: Drunk
My therapist also says I tend to only see the worst in people, but I say she’s full of shit.