I’m old

Today, I am a year older than I was yesterday. Or something like that. I’m not quite sure how this whole birthday thing works.

As of today, I’m now 27 years old. 27 seemed ancient to me when I was, well, 25. 27 is that mythical age when Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Janus Joplin, and Kurt Cobain left this mortal coil. I’m told it was very tough for Cobain to be allowed into that club, being as his name has no Js in it. Looking at some notable people who passed before 27, I see I’ve outlived Duane Allman, Biggie Smalls, River Phoenix, Steve Prefontaine, Otis Redding, 2Pac, and Sid Vicious. They’ve all accomplished quite a bit in this world, but I ask you, did Steve Prefontaine ever play “I Like My Women” with Chris Brown? Did Duane Allman ever do a Space Jump with Mike Hochman? Did Biggie Smalls TaTa with Michelle Baker? Did 2Pac ever share a bed with Tim Norek? Please answer, I’m really not sure and it’s bugging me.

My sister gave me a wonderful birthday card. It talked about how it’s hard to express emotions, but there was a handy code, where You=I, Sniff=Love, and Farts=You. It made me happy. First that she cared, second that she is as amused by farts as I am.

I share my birthday with Jenny Craig, who, like me, had been really fat at one point. Now I’m only kinda fat. Also, I share a birthday with Wayne “Newman” Night, who also is much less fat than he used to be. Garrison Keillor was also born on my birthday, and he’s never been really fat, to my knowledge, but he is pretty creepy looking. I’m glad to share a birthday with GK. If there was any other regular PBS personality I’d be more honored to share a birthday with, it’d probably be Mark Russell.

For the record, I never really liked Steve Prefonatine. I much preferred him post-Fontaine.

We have a show Friday. 7:30pm, Main Street Theater at Garden Friends. If you came, and brought a friend, it would be the best present I could get. So do it. For me. And when you talk to me after the show, I’ll be happy to tell you how much you sniff farts.

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